I Knew
by Mirder Mystery
Summary: This is how I wish the 100th episode would've gone. I know there are way too many of these, but I just couldn't resist. Brennan decides she DOES want to give them a shot. This is how I believe she'd tell Booth.
1. Scientist

Brennan always considered herself logical because, when all else failed, logic remained. Brennan depended on proof because it is the only thing that made her believe. But tonight, everything had shattered. Everything she had trusted, leaned on, had abandoned her when she had needed it most. What had begun as a correction of factual error had resulted in the demolishing of the wall she had carefully, purposefully, built to protect herself. To protect _him_. That earth shattering kiss, the amount of will power it had taken her to pull away, to say the things that _had_ to be said. But she had found it, and watched in dismay as her answer, that utter blasphemy that was for the sake of _him_, sent waves of agony crashing over his face. He would remain nameless. Because she knew that the mere thought of his name would send so very many sensations to torture the entirety of her body and she knew that she was unprepared to handle such things. The moment kept replaying in Brennan's mind. The words he had used to break her. But he deserved to meet new women, she knew. That was precisely the reason she could not have him. He deserved someone who could reciprocate the compassion, and humility, and just _good_, he harbored. Brennan slipped in her control and his name exploded into her mind.

_Seeley Booth. _

In that instant, her resolve broke. She knew it was wrong of her to inflict this upon him. Her coat swung around her shoulders and she fumbled for her keys. The ride was a blur, the route so familiar she needn't even concentrate on the road. She heard the distinct shuffle of feet on the other side of the door she had just rapped her knuckles against. The door swung open to Booth in grey sweat pants that gathered and hung in all the right places. Shock filled his eyes, then pain. "Bones? What are doing?"

Agony ripped through Brennan as she heard the sheer torment in his voice and knew she had caused it. She was clueless as to how to respond. She knew what she was doing, but how was she ever to portray her message. She wanted something romantic and private, something only he would understand. The idea was a brilliant one as it graced her with its presence. She closed the distance between them and brought her eyes to meet his. The wariness there was clear, but hers begged for his audience. "I knew," she breathed, their faces so utterly close that the warmth of her breath brushed itself over his face, the scent engulfed him in its beauty.

It was clear, what she was telling him. It was clear what she was conveying. But he needed her to say it. Needed to hear the words leave her full lips. "Say it." The slight step he had taken to accompany his words brought them so close that the words were nearly said into her lips. But there was not an ounce of friction between the two. She nearly began the speech she had prepared, there in the hallway. But instead she merely requested, "May I come in?" At his nod, she slipped past him and settled herself into a chair, hoping the comfort of this familiar setting would ease the frantic thrumming of her heartbeat. But, being a scientist, she knew that a mere chair couldn't decrease the amount of adrenaline that was surging through her body. Brennan didn't trust herself to speak, instead choosing to let Booth break the silence. And he did, eventually.

"Er, Bones? You, er, you were saying?" The tentative hurt in Booth's voice shocked them both. Brennan had never heard such vulnerability from this man. Brennan tried to grasp control over her emotions, compartmentalize, as she had taught herself so long ago. Booth, recognizing her attempts, harshly took her face in his hands, daring her to avert his eyes. "No, Bones! You're not going to do that! You said you _knew_. Now explain that." He was too close, Booth realized. Her full, natural lips were all he could see and they filled him with such a disarming want. He released her, backing away with deep breaths, desperately trying to calm himself. A thought occurred to him then, and he was abruptly worried. "Did…did I hurt you?" He so hoped not. He had promised himself he never would.

Brennan was shocked at his question, not knowing where it came from. "Never," she assured. Booth nodded then, his raised eyebrows communicating to her that he was still awaiting her explanation. "I-" she stopped. But looking in his eyes gave her the encouragement she needed to proceed. He had already professed his love for her. But, what if? What if, one day, she wasn't enough for him? And he left? Just like the others. Brennan shoved that thought aside. It was not important in that particular moment, she knew. It would definitely surface on this night. But there were more important things to discuss at this particular time. "I don't know what love is, Booth. Physically, I know that a series of chemical reactions occur in the brain to create the emotion you call love. But I, personally, had given up on ever really feeling it. Before I met you. I, er," she stopped again. The last time she had ceased her speech it had been in fear of rejection. But this time it was fear of something different entirely. She was afraid of what this information would do to Booth.

She began again. "The day Russ left, I learned. Because after that day, I thought I knew what Love was. Because on that day, Love was the source of all the pain in my world. I had loved my parents. I had loved Russ. But they all left. I thought I had pinpointed Love for what it truly was. And I remained of that opinion for quite some time afterward. Until the day I met you. In all the years of our friendship, you have shown me, day after day, what it is to love…" she trailed off, watching a tear glisten down Booth's cheek. But he simply nodded wordlessly for her to continue. She knew the next segment would hurt him, but it had to be said.

"When I thought you were dead, I desperately attempted compartmentalization. But I couldn't. I couldn't feel. One night, I grabbed a glass bottle. I held it in my hand and smashed it into the sidewall of the sink. I was careful not to let the glass fly; I wanted to feel each shard cutting through me." Booth visibly flinched, but Brennan continued, "When you came back, I was angry, certainly. It would be useless to deny such an obvious fact. But you are very inaccurate if you assume I was angry with you, or Sweets for that matter. I was infuriated with myself, for becoming so close to you, for allowing your death to devastate me the way it did. It scared me. I needed you, in a way I hadn't felt since I was very small."

"And Booth, tonight. Tonight, when you told me you wanted to give 'us' a chance, and kissed me. You cannot imagine how very much self-control I had to muster to pull away, to tell you the things I did. I'm sorry. What I said was true." Booth's jaw dropped, but before he could say anything Brennan plowed on. "I don't have your open heart. I probably never will. But you…I don't know how, but you got through Booth. And I still stand by my statement, that I am a scientist, not a gambler. And I don't know how to change that. But, being a scientist, I need evidence. Please, Booth. I _need _proof." Temperance pleaded with him, begging for him to explain why he loved her.


	2. Proof

**Dear Fans, Please. Please. PLEASE. Review! I mean, tell me I suck for all I care. Just give me something so I don't feel like a total loser. ;) Ha! Just kidding. I love you guys. :) Love Always, Mirder **

Booth knew what she meant when she said "proof." He wasn't going to make her feel awkward out of spite. Because he wasn't angry, only sad. And now he was going to open himself for the second time that night. He was going to give her the power to crush him even further, and he really hoped it gave him a different outcome. Brennan had stood during her speech, and Booth led her to the couch where they both sat down next to each other. He sighed. "Proof…I love the many colors your eyes seem to possess. I love the way your hair glints just the tiniest bit of red in the sunlight. I love the look you get when you say, 'I don't know what that means.' I love your devotion to the bodies you indentify, to the cases we solve. I love your black and white view of life. That there is good and bad, right and wrong. I love that you always choose the good, the right. I love your stubbornness. I love how very complicated you are. But, more than that, I love the fact that even I, who knows you better than anyone, still have so much to learn of you. I love the rare moments when you let me comfort you, when you let me be there for you. I love the drinks we get after every case, as if to celebrate the life we've avenged. I love the way you relax into my hand when it's at the small of your back. I love the way that, even though you protest to my 'alpha male' stuff, I know you secretly enjoy the chivalry I present to you. I love the pleasant, almost homey feeling I get whenever I hear the song 'Hot Blooded' because I know it's ours. I love the tears you have in your eyes, right now. Because they tell me your feelings. I love the compassion you have; hidden so deep even you don't know it's full capacity. But I see it. I love the way you continually deny that I'm Agent Andy, when everyone knows I am. I love how great you are with Parker, how much he really likes you. You're the first woman, besides his mom, that he's that attached to. You have no idea how much that means to me. I love the way that, even though I know I'll never be good enough to be yours, you still think you're not good enough to be mine. I love you, Temperance. Every single thing that makes you."

He finished. But he wasn't going to chance a kiss this time. He was fairly sure the kiss had frightened her, made her run. If she wanted to kiss him, he certainly had nothing against that. But he knew her well enough to know that she might need time. And he was willing to give her all the time she needed. No matter how much he spewed about moving on, he knew he never would. Because she would always be his standard, and not one woman would meet it. She looked hesitant when she asked, "Are you going to kiss me, Booth?"

He should have known she'd ask. Brennan never had been mindful of these kinds of things. "No." He watched her face fall and rushed to explain himself. "I don't want to move too fast for you, Bones. You set the pace. If you want to kiss me, I'm more than willing to oblige. But I'm handing you the reins. Wherever you want to take this, however fast you want to get there. That's what we'll do. I'm going to make this work, Temperance. Because I can't afford to lose you."

He had barely finished his sentence when Bone's lips came crashing down on his. This kiss was nothing like their first one. It didn't taste of tequila; it didn't feel rushed. It felt _right._ Brennan's hands slid around his neck and a moan escaped him. The smell of her would probably be etched into him for eternity and somehow, he didn't mind.

Brennan kissed him with everything she had. But, all the while, insecurities ran rampant through her mind until they finally demanded to surface.


	3. A Picture

**I know I'm writing a 100th episode fic, but I think it's time to reveal a little secret of mine. I adore the 100th episode. I mean, I was crying too when she told him she couldn't change. I was throwing things at my tv, screaming "HE DOESN'T WANT YOU TO!" with the rest of you. But...this episode was brilliant. Booth and Brennan are simply not ready for each other yet. (No matter how much we all want them to be!) I think that, had she said yes, I would still have been throwing things. Because, as happy as I would be, I wouldn't believe it. I am so hoping that their time away from each other will mature Brennan enough to make her ready for Booth. And that he'll still be there when she comes around. Please don't run now! I don't want to loose my readers over this! ;) **

**Love Always, Mirder**

Brennan pulled away, lust filling Booth's eyes and her own. She certainly didn't _want_ to stop. But these things had to be asked. It wasn't that she had anything against sexual intercourse. That would be sheer blasphemy if she attempted to use it as her excuse. But she wouldn't, because Booth trusted her to give him the truth. She had already denied him a truth once tonight, a truth he so deserved. She would never do it again.

Booth's mind filled with dozens upon dozens of insecurities. Why had she stopped? Had she changed her mind? What if she ran? Booth didn't know what he would do then. He knew he couldn't take it again. "Bones?" His apprehension was apparent in his tone, and he hated how desperate, how afraid he sounded. "Why did you stop?" Booth hated the way his voice made it sound as if his whole world depended on her answer. But he loved that it _did_.

Brennan's face portrayed her anxiety in a way that made her more gorgeous than any woman had a right to. "Because I have to voice my hesitations, Booth. Because if we have sexual intercourse, which I am assuming will happen now that we are openly talking, then I have to know." Booth visibly flinched at her use of the words _sexual intercourse, _but he nodded for her to continue. "What if I'm not enough, Booth?" She almost whispered the words. "What if, one day, even you realize the monstrosity I am? What a 'cold fish' I can't help but be? What if you come to know how much you'll loose in being with me? I don't think I could take that, Booth. I don't think I could ever survive if you left me. I've become more attached to you than I have ever let myself before. I've let you in, if only unconsciously. What if, one day, you realize how very undeserving of you I am?"

When she said that, when she let loose the fears that had, for so long, consumed her, Booth damned his "at her pace" philosophy. His hands came up to caress the sharp curve of her jaw line. The warm, soft skin made a lovely contrast to the callused undersides of his fingers. Perhaps he had always known that philosophy wouldn't work. Perhaps he knew from the start that six years of self-restraint was much more than one man could handle. He inclined his head to hers, gently brushing her lips with his. "Temperance," he breathed. Some of his breath roamed into Brennan's mouth and she could taste him. Just as she had decided to deepen the kiss, Booth pulled away. Apparently deciding on leaving her wanting more._ So much more_. Just as she had done since the beginning of the very essence of _them_. He looked into her eyes, desire written into their very being. "I love you, Bones. Always have. Always will."

Brennan didn't need to hear that. That was exactly the kind of thing she didn't want to hear. "You _can't_ know that! No one can know what emotions they will feel in thirty, forty, fifty years!" She was fiery in her response. Brennan needed a better resolution than _always_.

Booth almost smiled, because he knew exactly what she needed. "I'm going to paint a picture for you, Bones." He chuckled at the look of utter confusion on her face. "Not literally. I'm going to paint a_ metaphorical _picture. To put it simply, I'm going to tell you a story. In fifty years, there will be this couple sitting at our table in the Royal Diner. And the woman will have the most daring blue eyes. Her hair is a shining, welcoming, white. She's slender, and she's aged well. Beside her is a man. His white hair is cut short; he still has most of it. His brown eyes seem to light up every time he looks to his partner. And it's clear to everyone around them that their love is one that will never die."

"I don't understand what relevance this has to the situation at hand, Booth." Brennan's annoyed, almost reprimanding voice made him smile. She was wearing _his_ face. The one that says _I don't know what that means_.

"It's us, Bones. The couple in the diner. It's us." Booth didn't make his tone to sound as if it were obvious. That happened so often for Brennan, but never from Booth. He was patient. He was kind.


	4. Promises

**I'm sorry for the small update. But I just wanted to give you all something to hold you over until Saturday. Yes, I can't update until then. I know, I better have a good reason right? Well I'm in this writing conservatory (God, I'm such a nerd!) and we were assigned TWO, FIFTEEN PAGE stories for friday. So...I have to work on those. Yeah, my teacher's full of it. ;) Anyways. I promise to have an extra big update here for you guys by noon on Saturday! :)**

Brennan smiled, a smile that reached her eyes. A smile so beautiful, it took Booth's breath away. Booth loved that smile, the one that told him she was unconditionally happy. And Booth' s face replicated her emotiong, because her happiness was _his_ happiness. Brennan opened her mouth to speak. "I understand. Or at least I think I do. By telling me that story, you've given me a mental image of the way you picture us in fifty years."

Booth's smile widened as he watched her put the pieces together. "Yeah, Bones," he agrees with her. But, by the look on her face, she expected him to say more. He complied. "But it's more than that. It's a promise, Bones. That story is a promise that we'll have that. It's a vow that I will protect you, at all costs, that I will never leave. But Bones…" He trailed off, not knowing the proper way to phrase this request.

"Yes, Booth?"

Booth sighed and decided to simply give it a chance. To _gamble_, shall we say. "I need to know you won't run, Temperance. I have to have that assurance that you're in this for the long haul."

"I don't know what that means, Booth."

**By the way, I recently discovered that reviews are my LIFE! So...more please? 3**


	5. Point of No Return

**I am so sorry, guys! I know I'm like four hours behind on my promise and my excuse is a piece of crap. I woke up late. Way late. But I finished and at least I have this for you before the day was over. Anyways, I hope you like it. I hope you aren't getting bored of all my fluff. :) Love Always, Mirder**

Booth very nearly sighed at the idea that he had to explain this. But he didn't. Because he could picture the hurt on her face if he had. "Bones. 'In it for the long haul' means that you won't run. It means that for the rest of my life, I get to wake up with you in my arms. I'm asking you to be monogamous for me. With me."

Booth watched comprehension slither its way to her eyes. She spoke. "I understand, Booth. You are asking me to make a commitment to you."

Booth smiled, why hadn't he thought of saying that? Maybe it wasn't 'big romantic gesture' enough for him. "Yeah, Bones. Exactly. I can't promise we won't argue. Because you and I know that this won't change how we feel about each other. And I can't promise that I won't insist on taking the bullets for you, physical and metaphorical. Because, again. My feelings aren't changing. Ever, Bones."

Brennan winced at the mention of him taking _any_ bullets, especially ones intended for her. "I'm in, Booth. For…for the long haul." Booth chuckled at her attempt to use an expression. She never ceased to amaze him. Brennan leaned in, almost tentatively. But once they were connected she was anything but. Booth's mouth opened on a gasp as she gently trailed her fingers down his chest, getting closer to the point of no return. Taking advantage of his astonishment, Brennan slipped her tongue through his lips, flicking the roof of his mouth and swallowing the groan that ensued.

Booth's very senses were invaded by the feel, the sight, the smell, the sounds, the taste of _her_. Brennan arms wrapped around his neck and she ground herself into him. His hips bucked of their own volition and the groan he was holding back finally fled his throat. "Bones…" But he trailed off as her nails began to dig rather harshly into his shoulder blades. It wasn't painful, certainly not. It was delicious. Unimaginable. Incomparable. It was a feeling he never wanted to let go. Yet he pulled back, because he had to hear her say the words before he could indulge himself in a way he had restrained from for so very long. "Bones, stop." He clarified, even as she made it abundantly clear that under no circumstances were her lips leaving his overheated skin. "Temperance."

Booth never used her first name; therefore Brennan knew he was serious. Rejection was a bitter tang residing in her mouth, making her nauseous and depressed in the same instant. She should have known. Why had she tried? Brennan attempted to remove herself from Booth's lap, but was shocked when strong arms refrained her from doing just that. "We'll continue this later, Bones. I just need to hear something."

Brennan looked him in the eyes, and knew that confusion was clouding her own. "What do want me to say, Booth?"

"Bones…what did you come here to say?"

"I came hear to tell you…Oh! You are waiting for me to openly express my reciprocation of your affections."

Booth chuckled at her phrasing. Only Brennan could make _Tell me you love me _sound so squinty, and he would not have it any other way. "Yes. I am, Bones."

Brennan smiled at the nervous, self-doubting quiver that was present in his voice. She hated that she had made him doubt her, fear her rejection. But she knew she was about to make him very happy, and that thought consoled her guilt. "I do, Booth. I love you. I love you more than I even thought was physically possible."

Booth's worried frown was immediately converted to an elated grin. He grabbed her in his arms and simply held her close to him, entertaining the thought that she was his. "Mine," he accidentally breathed against her ear.

Brennan resisted the overwhelming urge to shudder at the tickle of his breath against her. She pulled his face to her and darted her tongue inside his mouth. Her hands were journeying down, until they reached his groin. Booth felt it in every nerve in his body when she cupped him through the linen of his pants.

Brennan grinned wickedly at the sounds escaping him, at the helpless bucking of his hips into her hand. She continued to kiss him, over and over.

Booth had waited so long to be with her like this. He knew, in the depths of his being, that this was the point of no return. And he relished in the idea.

**I already have the smut for this story written, but it occurs to me that I will have to change the rating. So, if you want the smut, say so. If you'd rather I leave it at this, say so. It's totally up to you! Reviews are love. And I love you alll. ;)**


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